To Conceive or not to Conceive? That is the question

We have always had a loose plan to start trying to Beasley baby #2 when Simone turned 2. That is 6 months away and I, being the planner that I am, broached the subject with my husband yesterday. I have been thinking about it on my own for a while now, oscillating between pure mommy gush

and utter terror at the thought of being pregnant again.

 I have made mental lists of the things we should accomplish before bringing another life into this world ...

• buy a house (with more than 2 rooms)
• lose 30 pounds
• get Simone potty trained
• find Daniel a job that pays enough that I can stay home
• take my prenatal vitamin

Then mentally scratched them all out saying, "There will never be a perfect time, or enough money, etc."

I have read accounts of the pros and cons of different age gaps, I have tried to map out our career goals, our financial status, factored in my biological clock, and I am still no closer to having peace about when the right time is. Then I have nights like last night when I am feeling sick and PMSing and my 18 month old wakes up 23 hundred times because she isn't feeling well either, in those moments I am sure I only want one child.

It really was beginning to get me flustered and I had to stop myself and remind my pacing heart that God knows. I found myself half heart-idly praying for God to surprise me with the next child as He did my first that way I don't have to worry about it (I am not sure if that is sound biblical praying but hey I am at my wits end).

I would appreciate your prayers because I don't want to make a decision in my own strength. I don't want to rush into pregnancy again just to meet some imaginary deadline and put my family in a tough spot. Neither do I want to miss the chance to have #2 because I fear there will never be enough time, money, energy, etc. I need the wisdom and provision of my Father in Heaven and the patience to wait until it comes.

I would like to hear other moms child bearing decision making tactics in the meantime, so give me so feedback. Did you plan, were you pleasantly surprised, are you wishing you were still single, are you sure you aren't going to make it through the next five years of diapers? Let me know.