I struggle with understanding God's goodness. I almost can't type that knowing other people will read it, but I usually live by honesty is the best policy.
Today I burst into uncontrollable tears at my desk at work (good thing I am alone most of the time) after reading another bloggers post about how she has lost two of her three children to a disease called SMA. I don't know these people and I am just making a mess of myself here this morning. Also my sister is in the hospital watching her brand new baby girl go into surgery for spina bifida. It seems I have heard a lot of tough stories lately and sometimes I have the faith to say, "God is good". Today I was surprised by the pain in my heart and the question in my mind as I read this fellow mom's, but otherwise stranger's, blog; "Why do you let bad things happen?" " Do you let bad things happen?" I am unsure of the theology behind how this works and it does bug me. I have grown more conservative and humble in my years as a Christian and am at the point where I just have to believe he is good and there are things I can't understand. As a control freak that sometimes gets to me and shakes me to the core.
Maybe I am just older, or more sensitive because I am a mom, or maybe I am closer to the heart of God than before, but all I know is in the past year I have cried my fair share of heart wrenching sobs (read ugly cry) over complete strangers stories. It is exhausting! On one hand I know that we live in a broken world and there are consequences for that. I know that as a child of God I am to stand in the gap in prayer for the hurting, the lost, the disenfranchised, the forgotten. On the other hand I feel like a little girl looking to her big strong daddy for help and wondering why his hands are tied.
I am not a theologian. I do however do a fair share of reading and I have read plenty of perspectives on this subject, some encouraging some maddening. I am unsure of the theology behind how God's justice works and it does bug me. I have grown more conservative and humble in my years as a Christian and am at the point where I lean more to the side of just believing He is good and there are things I can't understand. As a control freak that sometimes gets to me and shakes me to the core. Especially when the rubber meets the road in tough reality.
I write this post mainly to open a healthy conversation, and to remind you all to pray continually. There is so much work to be done in the prayer closet and I know I tire too quickly. If we stand together I believe the load becomes lighter.
I will lead you with an excerpt from a blog written by a much more accomplished and wise man than I, the way he puts it makes sense to me and gives me perspective.
" This life counts with God. What we decide about him here leads to how God responds to us in judgment. Once we are dead, the door is shut and the book is closed. Is this harsh? Only if one decides that God sending Jesus, His son, to die for us, take our place, and offer us the free gift of his saving grace if we will only receive Him and His gift is not good enough for God's creatures. There is nothing harsh about the offer of the gospel–or its consequences for rejecting it. There is only tragedy if one refuses to accept God's gracious way of salvation that we cannot make happen for ourselves on our own work or strength anyway." Dr. Darrell Bock (read more of his blog here)
As I quietly half discussed tragedy in my heart with God, He reminded me He not only lost His son but watched Him go through a great deal of suffering. I am humbled by that and my heart rests again in the fact that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are high above mine. Isaiah 55:9
What are you thoughts or experiences on the goodness of God?
Lord here my prayer...
Alyssa Love
The Manross Family
The Molina Family
Anna Destiny
Micah
The Orphans
The Battered Woman
The Homeless
Rwanda
Our Country and President
Pastor Dan
Lord I am one small heart yearning for your kingdom. My vision and influence are small but I am here. Lend your ear to your weak, broken servant, and bring Your Kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven. In Jesus name. Amen.
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