How to Get 8 Men You've Never Met to Attend Your Birth

*Disclaimer: This birth story starts 2 weeks before the real action happens, so if you want to skip ahead I don't blame you.

*This story contains details of bodily functions pertaining to birth (it is nothing like T.V.) read at your own discretion

Feb 19: I went in for my routine 37 week check up. I was informed my blood pressure was elevate and there was protein in my urine. I was informed about the signs and symptoms of preeclampsia and the possibility they would need to induce if things worsened. My cervix was soft but high and closed.

Feb 20: Follow up with a 24 hour urine collection and labs. Blood pressure was down and there was only trace protein labs looked good.

Feb 22: Went to L&D for monitoring for decreased fetal movement. Baby was fine, blood pressure was slightly elevated, trace protein. I could feel mild wrapping contractions coming about every 10 minutes and spotted them on the monitor. Cervix was checked and nurse reported I was at a 1. I was sent home and that night was woken up by uncomfortable contractions that were about 5 minutes apart for an hour and then disappeared.

Feb 23: I was uncomfortable and had contractions at no regular interval for a good portion of the day. Nothing ever developed into a pattern.

The rest of the week it was a similar story, contractions at varying degrees of intensity, duration and frequency much to no avail. My glorious wonderful mother came over many times to let me rest and to be prepared if things transitioned into the real thing. The house stayed clean, the bags were packed and the question on everyone's mind was, is this real labor. It was exhausting and frustrating and confusing.

Feb 27: I go in for my 38 week check up to find all had not been in vain, I was 3cm dilated 60% effaced and baby was at -1 station. My doctor stripped my membranes and told me maybe should would see me this weekend but it could be a couple weeks. I left feeling hopeful and accomplished.

Feb 28: We took the girls to the mall to burn some energy and help get rid of cabin fever. I left them in the play area to go and "walk". I mostly just worked up a sweat and got many concerned glances at my huffing a puffing and giant bellied waddling self. After I thoroughly wore myself out and the girls were tired we went home to rest. I was pleasantly surprised to find I had walked my mucus plug right out and once again thought to myself maybe this is the night. I had contractions through the night but they were very manageable.

March 1: We postponed my baby shower in case things picked up. This day was pretty uneventful and I kind of regretted not having the distraction of the social event.

March 2: I slept through the night without any troubles. I woke up with energy and motivation. I did my hair put on makeup cleaned ran errands etc. I don't think I had any contractions at all that day.

March 3: My mom came over to take care of the girls. I scheduled a prenatal massage and was missing that gusto I had the day before. The massage therapist used accupressure to try to help get things going and just helped me get nice and relaxed. It was business as usual until a pretty strong contraction woke me up and were followed by decreasingly strong contractions every about 10-15 minutes. I got out of bed had a snack and a drink and timed them hoping this would be it since my mom had spent the night.

March 4: I woke up discouraged and tired. I was just so sick of wondering and waiting and guessing that I determined I wasn't going to care until I just couldn't handle the pain anymore and then I would know it was the real thing. I called the chiropractor to see if they had an opening thinking maybe the baby was having a hard time engaging. I was having some contractions that required a little more focus than usual but didn't seem terribly regular. I helped get Simone ready for school. Daniel packed up both girls and my mom and I traveled to Portsmouth to the chiropractor. I had a contraction when I was checking in and the receptionist asked if I was ok and if I was going to need the hospital. Retrospectively maybe I looked worse off than I was allowing myself to feel. The doctor was running behind and I casually glanced at the clock every time I had a contraction, they were about 15 minutes apart and I had to pee about as often. On her way out an apprenticing midwife said she overheard my situation and encouraged me to sit forward. I told her I had been avoiding it because it increased the pressure in my bottom significantly she agreed and encouraged me that was a good thing. I had my exam to assess what the plan would be and was told I would have to come back for my adjustment at 3pm. I agreed to go through the tunnel again at rush hour traffic time because I was desperate to get things going.

I went home had some lunch and discussed whether my mom should go home or not. We went back and forth back and forth because there really just seemed no way to tell. I was still having manageable contractions but my mom noticed they were getting stronger and ultimately decided to stay just in case.

Daniel took me back for my adjustment at 3 and I was beginning to not be able to talk through the contractions I was having on the way to the doctor. I thought it was because the car ride was bumpy because I had experienced them pick up every time I road in the car for the last few days. I had a great adjustment and felt some relief right away and it was a beautiful day so we decided to take a short walk near the water to see if we could pump it up a notch. I immediately noticed a strengthening intensity to my ever present contractions but still very manageable.

THIS IS WHERE THINGS START TO GET CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

I tired quickly of the walking and we needed to get home. We hit the 4 o'clock tunnel traffic and my contractions were quite uncomfortable at this point. I was moaning through them with my eyes closed and didn't want to be talked to. I pulled out my contraction timer 4:35 just to get a feel for how long they were lasting and how far apart because the pressure in my bottom was increasing. None of this alarmed me much because this was very familiar territory from when I had Fiona and I was no where near the end with these signs.

As I moaned and groaned and tried to escape the pain in the car, the contractions were consistently about a minute or so long and between 8 and 9 minutes apart. All I could think was I wanted to get home to my own space and get them to 5 minutes apart for an hour so I could go to the hospital.

When we got home I went straight to my room turned on some worship music in my headphones and began to search for positions that would make me more comfortable. I was all over the place. I was rocking and standing,  on the ball, on all fours, sitting on the toilet etc. I encouraged Daniel to make dinner because the girls would be hungry and if we had to go to the hospital we would all be super hungry later.

I closed my eyes and tried to participate with what my body was doing and let the worship wash over me. The tears began to flow not so much from the pain but just the emotional exhaustion and the song that was playing "How Can It Be". I was aware of God's presence and care of me in this unique time of my connection with creating life with Him.

Then something changed and got more serious because I had to turn off the music and really focus. I was trying to find a groove or a position to help the pain/pressure. Two contractions came close together and then went back to 8 minutes. I asked Daniel to run me a bath to help with the pressure and pain. As soon as my feet hit the water everything became heightened. I tried to sit down I couldn't, I had to get out. I sat on the toilet because of the tremendous pressure. Everything was just a blur I am not sure there was much conscious thought. I just became to yell/scream until I ran out of breath and I pushed as hard as I could, I guess to find relief, from what I don't know. Finally I felt a burst and my water exploded and I had a bowl movement and immediately felt a tremendous amount of burning and pressure.

I reached down and felt something I couldn't imagine what. I remember thinking there is no way that could be her head. I yelled for Daniel to call the hospital that something was wrong and for my mom to come and look what was going on. She couldn't see anything at first and so she put a towel down in the hall and I got on all fours and she thought she saw a cord because it was pale and blue. Daniel meanwhile is on the phone with 911 and the girls are standing by freaking out because mom is in pain.

It was total chaos from here and I was in a bit of a panic because I was afraid the cord had prolapsed and I would need to hold it in until they could rush me to the hospital. Well at this point in labor your don't tell your body what to do, the urge to push was uncontrollable. Finally my mom could tell it was the head and once I knew that it was seconds before her head was fully out and body shortly to follow into my moms arms. It was such sweet relief and for a few seconds I didn't hear anything just enjoyed the relief. Then I began to hear questions passed from dispatcher to Daniel to mom about Vivienne. Sweep her mouth, is she crying, she is kind of blue and I felt the tension building. Then I just asked my mom to hand her to me through my legs and I cuddled her up to me and I knew she was ok. She was calm and peaceful and looking around. She wasn't crying but she didn't look in distress.

Then the sirens got closer and closer and one after one a bunch of men dressed in navy blue loaded into my house. It was like the clown car at the circus. I just kept looking up to see new faces I think there were 8 of them. They were asking me questions and I could feel myself leveling out because I began to joke around. They draped me with a sheet as I was stark naked because I had been trying to get in the bath. I delivered the placenta they cut the cord and gave the baby to Daniel and a team began to work with them to make sure she was ok. They collected the placenta in a bag and loaded me on the gurney placed my placenta in between my legs handed me the baby and wheeled us out to take a fancy ambulance ride to the hospital.

We only live about ten minutes away from the hospital and the rest was business as usual. They checked me out checked her out and everyone seemed fine. I just kept realizing I had had my baby at home without drugs and basically had no idea what was going on until I had a baby in my arms. She was born at roughly 6 pm and only minutes from when the contractions began to get a little closer together.

I am so grateful to God for our health and our story and that my mom did not decide to go home for the night.

P.S. They told me to wait to call the hospital when my contractions were one minute long and five minutes apart for an hour. That was my goal and that never came. Now I am one of those ladies who has an accidental home birth and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Shades of Grey

This was written Thursday March 01, 2007 long before there were 50 shades of them. There is no correlation. I was unmarried and without children.

Shades of Grey

Shades of grey make me stay
wandering wanting waiting
Circle spinning puzzle fitting
keeping my ends tattered and frayed
I pontificate and sputter
spinning gossamer safety nets
with every word I utter
Hoping with my meager efforts
I can break the fall
The peaks of faith seem far to steep
but you have gone and saved us all
Still I busy my hands and worry my head
You sit down aside me and offer me bread
to ease my soul a cup of wine
you say these
these are the ties that bind
So close your eyes
and lay your head upon my breast
For tomorrow comes another day
with all its own shades of grey

How to Shepherd a Sensitive Heart

Since I have transitioned to staying at home full time I have found an increased awareness of the importance of my role as mother. God made it pretty clear to me not too long ago that no matter what way a child is wired it is the job and the privilege of the parent to help to shepherd that into something beneficial: i.e. strong willed either equals stubborn and inflexible or a strong leader with tenacity.

My eldest is super intelligent and has a propensity towards dramatics. Her language skills are off the chart and she feels things very deeply. She is four and a half. Some of the theatrics I attribute to her age but I also recognize pieces of myself in her that I desperately want to help her navigate better than I have been able to. As I battle my own imperfections especially in the department of patience, I find myself praying for wisdom and strategies to help shepherd her unique wiring. I have recently had a small, dare I say, break through and wanted to share it for others charged with the magnificent role of raising an emotionally intense child.

It is amazing how children serve as little mirrors into your soul. As I have watched my daughter melt into tears over the tiniest offense and segregate herself from love and completely shut down, I see a reflection of myself and broken nature of a fallen world. Because I am a deep feeler, some might say I am making too much out of this, but I would rather err on the side of caution then see the problem compound and spiral out of control in the hormonally charged teen years.

It is an ongoing battle to keep up with all the demands of mundane life with patience and grace while keeping your pulse on the ever changing growth of your children. I often have to stop myself and remember that talking my preschooler through challenging emotions and thoughts is more important than crossing off the rest of my to do list. So here are a few things I have learned when interacting with an emotionally sensitive child.

Hugs go a long way. Sometimes when things have gotten particularly heated and I can feel my own patience running out and my girl spiraling out of control, I stop and say, "do you need a hug?" She generally says yes and it usually takes the threat level down a few notches. I find that when the love is plugged back in she is more receptive to my instruction and I am more open to hearing her words instead of her whining. For more on this I highly suggest reading Loving Your Kid on Purpose, it has changed some of my perspectives on the order of importance when navigating tough parenting terrain.

Schedules help to keep the number of meltdowns to a minimum. Don't read this as I let my kids run my life. I think it is important to raise flexible go with the flow kids. I also know that when I don't eat or sleep or have too much going on I am grumpy and I am a grown up. I want to set my kids up for success. So if a melt down begins to occur I often ask myself have I set my kids and myself up for failure by packing our schedule too tight, forgetting a meal (don't judge) skipping a nap time, or just been a grumpy mom because I didn't manage my own time well. My kids thrive on schedule and I get the feeling that most do. It is comforting to know what to expect and what is expected of you.

Tone of voice is key. I tell my husband all the time, there are many ways to say one thing, each will be received differently. This is so much more true, I find, with children. They are so tuned into your body language, your tone, your words, they are learning how to be human from you. Think about it they didn't even exist a few short years ago and now they are walking talking humans after a few thousand hours of observing YOU day and night. Don't let the pressure get to you.

Lastly, and this was my little breakthrough this week, be creative with the tools you give your children to navigate their growing hearts and minds. After all one day they will be doing this on their own.

My girl loves to write and draw and got a fuzzy Frozen notebook for Christmas with a pen. I was sure it would end up another forgotten toy that I would eventually throw away as a waste of money but this thing has become a priceless tool. A few nights ago as we were having the usual night time battle and tears ensued and talking wasn't working, I suggested she write down how she was feeling. I am and have always been big on journaling, so I thought, if it helps me maybe it will help her. At first she protested saying she couldn't write fancy like me and I suggested drawing pictures and then she asked me to transcribe her thoughts. At first she was at a loss. I asked her how are you feeling? She said sad and then we began to write a prayer that turned into thanksgiving and a beautiful portrait of our family and God watching over us. She then asked me to write a prayer of my own and I realized this was exactly the way it should be. As my daughter opened her heart to me I was now called to use my strength and wisdom to pray on her behalf. I spoke the words over her as I began to write them down and I felt a shift. I felt empowered and cradled by the Father all at the same time while holding my own child. We both were able to turn our worries to God together and we both felt better afterwards. I wasn't sure if this would be a one off thing or not but the next day she asked if we could do it again. Then today when she began to feel upset she said she was going to go and get her journal.

This takes a fair amount of intentionality and I do have to stop what I am doing sometimes to help her. I hope though that she will harness the power of turning her emotions over to God and it will become a habit that helps her to manager her thoughts as she grows into a young woman. I want to send her into adulthood with an arsenal full of how to extinguish the enemies arrows and glorify God despite her circumstances. I am sure there are many trials to come and tools I have yet to discover but I am glad that the Holy Spirit can inspire us, as terribly flawed parents, to hone the incredible raw treasure that comes in the form of an infant.

Does anyone else have sensitive children? What have you found that works with your soft hearted ones?